Transitioning

Aren't We All?

After a conversation I had last week, I found myself pondering the word “transitioning.” It’s a common word; especially these days.

Today that word can stir up strong reactions when used in the context of gender. I’m not here to argue about that context. But the word has taken on a cultural weight that seems to narrow its meaning. That’s unfortunate. Transition isn’t about a single group of people or a single context. It applies to all of us.

Transition is what happens when life invites or compels us to change. It is when we voluntarily make the move from what was to what is (or what we want “is” to be.) Transition can be positive while other experiences of it can be hard and difficult.

I was a military brat so we moved around a lot. During my K-12 education I attended 11 different schools in 9 different cities. I can speak a little about transitioning. Having to say goodbye to close friends every couple of years and trying to make new ones were difficult changes. Being the new kid in class nearly a dozen times and the challenges involved with that were not insignificant. I had to do some reinventing from time to time especially with attending three different high schools in three states from Maine to Georgia. But, throughout all those transitions, I grew and discovered things about myself.

I’ve made the transition from single guy to married man. That was a pretty big one. Not too many years later I went from married man to ex-husband, divorcee, and single guy. That was profound and not easy. A couple of years after that, I was husband again (different wife.) A very positive transition and one that stuck. As a married couple, we went from childless to parents. Life is a continuous journey of transitioning. Sometimes by choice; sometimes by necessity.

People move, change careers, drop out of college, retire, become boat owners (not sure why,) lose loved ones, start businesses, or begin writing on Substack.

“Not in his goals but in his transitions man is great.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was talking with our hospice nurse last week about what she is seeing with Carol’s current condition. Where are we? This was the conversation I alluded to at the beginning of this post. That’s when she explained the process of transitioning. You see, in the world of hospice care, that word has a very specific definition. It means the body is beginning to let go… making that final transition into active dying. Carol is not there. Not yet. And the hospice nurse is genuinely baffled by that after all these months. But it planted the word in my mind and this post is me trying to harness some thoughts about it.

Our nurse’s mention of transition… about end of life and that sacred, holy moment reminded me of a sacred, holy transition that I experienced over 40 years ago. It was when I became a follower of Jesus. Talk about a transition! (And, yes, I would be honored to talk with anyone about what that means and has meant to me.) I’ve made no greater transition in my life. Some of the hallmarks of the Christian faith include kindness, compassion, love, and grace. My desire is that I am continuously transitioning more and more towards fulfilling those attributes of a Christ follower.

We have fellow human beings amongst us though that wrestle with their very own identity. Some choose to transition to a different reality. Whether I agree or disagree about that is not where I want to focus my attention. I want my focus towards them to be grounded in how my faith guides me to treat others.

So, when I hear people tense up around the word “transitioning,” I want to remind myself of all the transitioning I’ve done in my life. The transitioning that is to come. I’m sure some people around me have disagreed with some of what I’ve done in my life... my transitions. But, those changes made me the person I am today- I’m not the person I used to be. I am comfortable with who I am and I wish that same contentment for others. I don’t have to agree with them.

Agreement should never be a prerequisite for showing kindness, compassion, love, and grace.

We’re all transitioning.